Dilemma on Monday

I have been silent all night yesterday and went to bed early. I hate when I've been told to do something that I don't want to do. When I hate it, I really mean it. My rebellious mind starting to find ways to get out of the situation. Who is the best companion when family doesn't seem to help? Yes, friends!

When I'm being nice, people expect me to be nicer. When I cried for help, they would expect something in return. Whenever I'm in this kind of situations, friends are always there to help. It's either made you or break you. Well, friends would offer you fun, joy and break all the rules and live to the fullest. And... that's how I got into troubles. (sigh!) While on the other hand, people who expect me to be nicer to them would help me and give undying support. When I'm getting back on track, they will (again!) ask something in return.

Parents... I am trying to be good to them. But, I can't compromise when they asked other people to help them to keep eyes on me. I hate it! These people that I should rely on whenever I have emergency/problem, they would disappeared. My parents just don't get it.

I am not sure if you could understand what I feel right now. I can't find a way to solve this dilemma so I cry...

This morning, while driving to work, I'm crying. I can't tell my parents as they definitely would not be the same page as me. So, I’m waiting for tonight. My best friend will fetch me and us going to have dinner.

I don't want to get attached to anyone. I don't want to make commitment to anyone. My family is my priority and my friends are my best companion ever. Allah is the greatest. And that's it. I am not an angel. I can't please everybody. As much as I want to be nice to all people, I can't neglect my feeling. So, let me live my life freely.

Happy 1 year old! :)

My blog turns one year!!! It is not a big deal but this is my thing, so it is a deal.

Back when I was a young girl, I used to have a diary as my daily journal. My first crush, my resolutions, my anger and all the ramblings I'd pen down on it. But my diary had security issue. It can be found by my mom easily of any angle in the room. Scary isn't it? It's like someone was stalking on you and knows everything about your personal stuff that you intended to hide from everyone...including mom. She is super-scary.

During my college years, I converted a diary to a blog as my daily journal. *A-walk-to-remember* had existed for about 3 years until I decided to delete it due to personal reasons. My life was upside down...

That was my hardest moment as I had security concern at workplace so I decided to quit. Friends betrayed me and talked behind my back (wait... I shouldn't refer them as friends rite after all the mental tortured towards me?).

The advice, hugs, and tears I shared with my true friends I took all with me to build my courage again to face the world. It didn't take long when I cried for help and had accepted a helpful hands to live my life again. A month later, I took baby steps to look for a jb and without any hesitation, I accept the offer. Now I know being jobless is the most painful thing. I felt useless and can't see a brighht future as if I was blind.

Alhamdulillah, I am looking forward for tomorrow for more exciting life minus the traffic that getting congested day by day. Sigh! That is why car is the last thing I want in my wish list. Anyhow, I have found my childhood friend's blog Yummien Straggy and through her I found other long lost friends' blogs too.

Enough giving speech, now it is time to cut the cake.  Excited! (Just to satisfy my craving...) And I even dole bananas to the nearest surau. Okay, that's TIPU. Astaghfirullah-al-azim.

That's all for now.

Gudnite.

Virus Found (in me) - Scan

My weakness/The Virus: TIMID - easily frightened, shy and nervous.

Identified by: The Boss.

Action taken by The Boss: Verbal counseling session for 3 minutes and wishing expecting that my maturity level would up a notch.

My personal comments: I, hereby, clarify that the above mentioned is true nothing but the truth. May I add some more? I'm not proactive, always laid back, still living in my comfort zone.

My action plan: I don't know. I think I might take a rest (read: SLEEP) and think about what he said. Only then, I will determine what my next step is.

Status: Still SCANNING...

************************************************

While having lunch this afternoon, my colleague told me that The Boss had mentioned to her that he would develop me to be firm and aggressive. Ya I can understand his commitment on me - that put me in a middle rite now.

Gotta get some REST now.

Confession: Sleep is my hobby. ;)

Gudnite~