a walk to remember... part 1

Haha... Terlalu lama menghilangkan diri. Diberi cuti selama 2 minggu adalah perkara terbaik Boss berikan. Sabtu lalu keluar bersiar-siar dengan rakan sekerja bersama dua orang anak saudara lelakinya. Dari Bukit Tinggi kemudian memanjat Batu Caves terus ke Putrajaya akhirnya dinner di Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. Sungguh.... tak cute! I mean, mana ada orang makan nasi lemak malam2. Sebab tue la restoran tue kosong. Tapi disebabkan mereka nie dari negara jiran yang teringin sangat2 makan nasi lemak, maka ikutkan saje selera mereka tue.

Disebabkan Na seorang saje yang young, single and available di ofis, maka kawan-kawan sepejabat mula berlumba-lumba nak jadi telangkai tak bertauliah mencarikan eligible bachelor for me... Makanya, Na setuju terima pelawaan rakan sepejabat untuk ikut bersiar-siar bersama nephewnya yang datang bercuti di sini. The nephew - quite good looking, sama tinggi, dan gentleman.

I didn't ask for more during our first introduction. Was not looking for boyfriend and such. Just treat me nicely and gently, would be enough. Ternyata tidak mengecewakan.

Awal perkenalan - sombong. Itu memang biasa. Lelaki dan ego tak boleh dipisahkan. So, I make a move. Trying to crack a simple conversation.

Oleh kerana Na kurang faham bahasa mereka dan Na pun tak harap mereka faham bahasa Malaysia so English adalah penyelamat.

Sebelum baca dengan lebih lanjut, let me remind you this is only from my point of view and what I really enjoyed during this trip. So, no judging please.

Masa di Bukit Tinggi, I must admit I was trying to be cool to cover up my shyness. Cool means I was walking alone and doing my own business, snap pictures, looking at peoples and suddenly saw my first boss. She is a career woman and very, very cool. Of course she wouldn't remember me because it has been few years I left the place. With her sunglasses and walking next to her husband, she smiled. While watching her and admiring her calmness and beauty, my friend's second nephew dragged her aunt (my colleague) to play a game. This is where the first scene started.

The first nephew, R was smoking near the area where I stand after the woman I admired disappearing from my view. I took a picture of myself. Since I noticed him standing next to me, I asked him to join me to take a picture together. Very clever rite? He refused at first but when my finger started to click the camera button and SNAP! Haha! The picture of us. Boy, you couldn't resist me, aren't you? Hihi...

Then while waiting for my friend, we just stand next to each other and figuring what to say. Guess we both shy, so we just enjoyed the silent moment. Shhh...

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After we had our lunch, while waiting for my friend to pay at the counter, I went in and out from one shop to another. In my heart I know I would never get lost because someone is keeping his eyes on me. Nope. Bukan perasan. Because when I turned around, there he was. Always. 

The best part of the whole trip was when I walked to the west and he walked to the east, we suddenly got closer to each other and end up walking together. I confess I tricked him one or two. *blush* When he was quite far from me, I popped out one question, yes only one simple question, to get him near to me again. I would asked like, "it's getting bored here, rite?". He quickly came to me just to answer "Yeah". Then we walked side by side again. 

I turned to other side and smiled secretly. Haha!

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to be continued...

I think I saw him...

...during lunch hour when my colleague and I went out for lunch. A different person from those days when we were an item. I hope he did not notice me. Clearly no reason for us to see eye to eye anymore. Even if we bumped to each other, there is no conversation needed. We both now strangers.

I wasn't sure if that was him. But if it's really him, then I thank God I didn't end up married him. My life now is much much better than before. I'm glad knowing new peoples here and they are so entertaining as much as they gave me headache in the office. =__=!

As much as people want to poke their nose into my personal life, giving advises and word of wisdom, I just can say, *"it's not my choice. I don't choose to be single. Look, everyone has their past. I found someone, it didn't go well and that's why I'm still single."

* Quote: Lee Byung Hun, August Man magazine.

just ranting...

These few days my mood was swinging and changed every now and then. I easily get irritated with peoples, most of the time on the road. At work, I thought I did pretty well for my boss but seems like it’s not enough for him. 5 minutes ago I walked out from his room and started doing my work. Exactly 5 minutes after, he called me just to find out whether the job has completed or not. -_-! 

Dealing with third party required time and countless of follow up. How can you expect the work to be done in a minute? That’s why I was sulking with the boss lately. He is smart enough to realize that through my face expression and my voice tone. Ah, I’m so not good in pretending that I’m all okay and cheer up all day. I am a little upset when overheard his phone conversation with someone and said, “Who needs to know and who really cares.” Although he didn’t meant what he said and that is only a joke, I wonder if he said the same thing to me with or without my knowing. I am a sensitive person. I could cry if he said that. No one can say that harsh words to me when I’m trying harder to please them. When I’m being nice, you should be nice to me as well even if you are trying to crack a joke – should use nice words.
 

My aunty used to say that my work field is full of cruelty – which I agreed. Slowly, I started to put barrier in my heart. I love my job, I really do. But there are things that I just do it with no honesty inside. I guess my boss can realize it too. This is all started to happen when they set rule for me not to have lunch outside just because they are so worried who’s going to attend all calls during lunch time!
 

All I want is to be treated fair and square. A lot of questions popped out in my mind that I didn’t bothered to ask. Why is it hard for me to take annual leave? Why my pay slip is just a piece of light paper (DL size) where I think everybody has seen it before reach my hand? Why I couldn’t have a chance to dine at the nice place? Everybody can go out EVERYDAY and having luxury lunch while me tapau the food from cafeteria and having my lunch in the office EVERYDAY. Why they put high expectation on me while my salary is just + /- USD500 a month? A lot of why’s that I didn’t want to mentioned here. I’m afraid when I read this post in future, I might cry thinking why I let my life being in this situation and didn’t stand up for it?
 

I’m ranting a lot here, I know. I just want to let it out and move on. Doing my very best every day. Appreciate this moment before they asked me to leave when they think my service is no longer needed.    

I am lucky to know you

The other day when I was outing with good friends, we were talking about having a male friend as a best friend. I suddenly remember someone that I’ve been neglected for quite some time. I lost contact with him when my previous hand phone was stolen last year. To maintain a good relationship with him, I always wish him on his birthday and catching up once in a while.

I never realized that he was such a good friend of mine until we girls talked about this. I can talk to him almost about anything. He’s such a good listener and he agreed to accompany me whenever I need someone to be with me. I would even recommended him if my friends wanted to have a male friend as their best friend.

I don’t know much about him. Because… every time we meet, I am the one who talk. Sigh! What a shame. It is because am comfortable with him. He does not talk much so it’s me who has to do the talking rite? Rite.

I used to ask him to accompany me during the activity that was organised by my previous company. Ah… I couldn’t recall what the activity is. It was Sunday morning (say 7.00 am) at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa. While having discussion with former colleagues, I often glanced at him to see if he’s okay and comfortable with the environment. I brought him to the event so I must make sure that he’s been treated nicely.

The next day, I ask one of my colleagues, how’s he’s doing? She said, he was okay and even makes the effort to approach her and started the conversation. My oh my, I was pleased to hear that considering I have been abandoned him for some time due to my involvement with the event throughout the day.

He would be there, anywhere and anytime to give full support to me. Shame on me, I couldn’t give that kind of commitment to my best friends.

If you wonder if I ever has feeling for this guy… am not quite sure. I never think of taking our friendship to the next level. I don’t know if he still remembers me. Well, I hope he does.

Today is his special day. Today is his birthday. I don’t have his contact number so I can’t wish him directly. So, through this blog, I would like to wish him Happy Birthday, A. Thank you for being a wonderful friend of mine. I am lucky to know you. Even if this dedication may not reach you, but I know that our God can hear my prayers. I always pray for you every time I think about you especially on your big day.

P/S: I also pray that one day my girls would find a best friend like him. I shall introduce him to my girls if we get connected again.

Muhasabah

I was making a cup of coffee later that night. Walked into my room and locked the door. This is the moment am waiting for. Some ‘me’ time…

While took a sip of black coffee, I begin to asked myself what have I done today and where I want to take my life in the next step. Yes, this is called Self-Inventory (Muhasabah). I easily get upset for things that people have and I don’t. I didn’t cherish and appreciate what I have today. I am too worried for tomorrow and I’m regretful for what I’ve done yesterday.

Ponder. Am clueless. I couldn’t think straight. I keep on criticizing myself continuously. I feel so down. So, I closed my eyes. Imagining the happy moments and slowly creating ‘new-me’ image. No, it is not day-dreaming. It is something that I’m longing to do/be.

I wish that people could understand me. But then again, if I didn’t tell them what I like and what I’m not, how can they fully understand me, rite? People can just assuming by observing me. Sometimes they interpret it wrongly. It is all about communication and I'm confessing I’m lack of it.

If only I have guts to tell people that I, sometimes, hate to please people when they request me to do something that I hate to do; especially when you hurt me with great distress before. I am not a perfect Muslimah (where I should be good to people even if they harm you) but I always wanted to be the best one. Time… is all I need.

However, one thing that I can be proud of myself is I never want to give up. Every time I feel like I have to surrender (imagine I’m waving a white flag), my heart would say “I don’t want to stop.” I may not up to expectation but I know what (and where) I want to be eventually. Insya Allah.

Dilemma on Monday

I have been silent all night yesterday and went to bed early. I hate when I've been told to do something that I don't want to do. When I hate it, I really mean it. My rebellious mind starting to find ways to get out of the situation. Who is the best companion when family doesn't seem to help? Yes, friends!

When I'm being nice, people expect me to be nicer. When I cried for help, they would expect something in return. Whenever I'm in this kind of situations, friends are always there to help. It's either made you or break you. Well, friends would offer you fun, joy and break all the rules and live to the fullest. And... that's how I got into troubles. (sigh!) While on the other hand, people who expect me to be nicer to them would help me and give undying support. When I'm getting back on track, they will (again!) ask something in return.

Parents... I am trying to be good to them. But, I can't compromise when they asked other people to help them to keep eyes on me. I hate it! These people that I should rely on whenever I have emergency/problem, they would disappeared. My parents just don't get it.

I am not sure if you could understand what I feel right now. I can't find a way to solve this dilemma so I cry...

This morning, while driving to work, I'm crying. I can't tell my parents as they definitely would not be the same page as me. So, I’m waiting for tonight. My best friend will fetch me and us going to have dinner.

I don't want to get attached to anyone. I don't want to make commitment to anyone. My family is my priority and my friends are my best companion ever. Allah is the greatest. And that's it. I am not an angel. I can't please everybody. As much as I want to be nice to all people, I can't neglect my feeling. So, let me live my life freely.

Happy 1 year old! :)

My blog turns one year!!! It is not a big deal but this is my thing, so it is a deal.

Back when I was a young girl, I used to have a diary as my daily journal. My first crush, my resolutions, my anger and all the ramblings I'd pen down on it. But my diary had security issue. It can be found by my mom easily of any angle in the room. Scary isn't it? It's like someone was stalking on you and knows everything about your personal stuff that you intended to hide from everyone...including mom. She is super-scary.

During my college years, I converted a diary to a blog as my daily journal. *A-walk-to-remember* had existed for about 3 years until I decided to delete it due to personal reasons. My life was upside down...

That was my hardest moment as I had security concern at workplace so I decided to quit. Friends betrayed me and talked behind my back (wait... I shouldn't refer them as friends rite after all the mental tortured towards me?).

The advice, hugs, and tears I shared with my true friends I took all with me to build my courage again to face the world. It didn't take long when I cried for help and had accepted a helpful hands to live my life again. A month later, I took baby steps to look for a jb and without any hesitation, I accept the offer. Now I know being jobless is the most painful thing. I felt useless and can't see a brighht future as if I was blind.

Alhamdulillah, I am looking forward for tomorrow for more exciting life minus the traffic that getting congested day by day. Sigh! That is why car is the last thing I want in my wish list. Anyhow, I have found my childhood friend's blog Yummien Straggy and through her I found other long lost friends' blogs too.

Enough giving speech, now it is time to cut the cake.  Excited! (Just to satisfy my craving...) And I even dole bananas to the nearest surau. Okay, that's TIPU. Astaghfirullah-al-azim.

That's all for now.

Gudnite.

Virus Found (in me) - Scan

My weakness/The Virus: TIMID - easily frightened, shy and nervous.

Identified by: The Boss.

Action taken by The Boss: Verbal counseling session for 3 minutes and wishing expecting that my maturity level would up a notch.

My personal comments: I, hereby, clarify that the above mentioned is true nothing but the truth. May I add some more? I'm not proactive, always laid back, still living in my comfort zone.

My action plan: I don't know. I think I might take a rest (read: SLEEP) and think about what he said. Only then, I will determine what my next step is.

Status: Still SCANNING...

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While having lunch this afternoon, my colleague told me that The Boss had mentioned to her that he would develop me to be firm and aggressive. Ya I can understand his commitment on me - that put me in a middle rite now.

Gotta get some REST now.

Confession: Sleep is my hobby. ;)

Gudnite~

my Raya mood is *blank*

Alhamdulillah, I have passed a few tests from Allah. I declined my job interview; thinking that current place is much better. I'm ready for any possibilities that may come and taking chances to absorb new skills/knowledge as much as I can.

Car issue - No more issue. I have a car now! My family members are much more excited than myself.

Financial issue - Under controlled. I think I manage it wisely. Should be no problem!

When colleagues asked me, how's your holiday? I just paused. Thinking. I'm enjoyed myself during Raya break but I think I have problems to express it. I didn't bother to text my friends Selamat Hari Raya and don't have a plan to visit them. What's going on with me? Even baju raya pun I didn't bother.

Maybe I'm too occupied or worried too much on my current plans which I’m working on right now... hmm.

September new list

I started September with new spirit but on 3rd, I’m facing embarrassing moment during discussion with a few good looking guys. Thanks to my-ex for the humiliation moment!

Not about him I want to talk about but I guess you may want to dig more stories about him, aite? Haha... that chapter has ended but Insha’Allah if God willing, I will feature story on future man in my life (No, not now. Maybe a year or two or if I found one).

Few months away before New Year. So, I want to give new looks for my small little dungeon (bedroom). Time flies very fast but I manage to catch up. Good! I have learned that, all you need to do to achieve your goals or complete the to-do list is by being work hard and never take too much time to sit back and relax. (I always have time to create reasons!) Living in this world today is more complicated than before. Reward yourself only after you have done successfully; be it small task or major ones.

More to come starting September!

Kitchen matters

Green project

Financial talk

Me & Allah

By the way, if I'm not updating my blog in few days, I would like to wish all readers Eid Mubarak :)

Enjoy your holiday!

Time to decide

Kadang-kadang kita tak tahu yang kita tersalah percaya pada orang sehinggalah bahana terkena batang hidung sendiri lalu menyusahkan hidup setiap hari.

Another sad story in my life. How come you easily break my trust??!!

Dear oh dear, this must come to an end.

I have an important meeting this week. Urgent decision to make. Put me in between. Why must it happen all at once?? Sigh! Sigh! Sigh!

Another job interview. To take or to declined.

Car issue. First-hand or second-hand.

Financial issue. To get advise or just remain silent.

Dear Allah, please help me. All I'm asking for is happiness for people around me. Please, please help me.

crazy but lovely friend sent by Allah

I get along very well with her. Such a crazy woman but lively and fun! Every time I'm with her, I'll thanking God again and again. Thank you Allah for continuously sending me such a lovely friend. Hopefully, our friendship will last forever even though we're really different - age, race, belief and character.

Not a bad day after all!

I thought yesterday would be my bad day. Little did I know I’ve been treated well and to the max! Little help from my new friend such a blessing to me. I know Allah will always be there when I have nobody.

So after I cried for quite some time yesterday, this new friend has agreed to drop me at the nearest public transportation from her house. But she just missed the place so she took me to dinner. We had great conversation almost about everything from work to personal life.

As time passed 8 that night, she took me to the nearest LRT as promised. I'm so relieved as I saw the railway station in next 1km. But she turns right. Uh-oh! "Rest assured, Nadia. We nearly there." she said.

She got out from the car and talked to the taxi driver and gave him 2 red currency notes.

"Come, Nadia. Get into the taxi. It's too late now. See you tomorrow. Bye."

.

She paid for my dinner and cab. And she followed the cab and trying to capture the driver's picture just to make sure that I'm home safely.

Later that night, flashed back on our dinner talk, I know that I already leave all behind. Thanks to her, sent by Allah, to change me slowly, bit by bit.

P/S: Dear Yasmin, I'm writing a post dedicated specially for you. 

I will... leave you behind

Apa nak buat kalau tiada siapa yang bantu bila kita memerlukan? This is what I feel today.

Thank God because a-not-so-familiar friend would lend a hand to help me. Alhamdulillah.

When I feel down and upset, tempat pertama yang akan Na pergi adalah bilik air. I would cry and cry and cry. Wash my face and put on facade and ready to face the world again. That's what I did just now.

Now I am very sure of what kind of person I want to be.

I will just... leave you all behind.

Taqwa

Orang bertaqwa itu hidupnya bersendikan agama, asasnya Tauhid, tiangnya solat, payungnya ihsan dan aksesorinya akhlak mulia.

Such a good quote. Extracted from Solusi magazine August edition.

i'm wondering...

...what does she has and I don't??

I am a woman too. Young woman. She's not. She's late 30's.

I assist my boss too. He's expats. She's not. Her boss is a local. 

But she's so...organised in sense of work management, ethical, and professionalism.

I can't deny that I...

...adore you, woman!

Ramadhan: 1

Hari nie hari pertama Ramadhan. Permulaan hari untuk menjalani Rukun Islam ke-3. So, malam tadi dah bermula sembahyang Tarawih. Mula-mula macam tak berniat nak pergi tapi mungkin Allah dah pilih Na untuk menjadi antara jemaah Tarawih yang petama. Disebabkan pergi dengan ayah je and takde teman perempuan, banyaklah kerisauan yang diluahkan pada si Ayah.

"Kalau surau dah penuh, takde tempat sembahyang macam mana?"

"Mana jalan nak ke tempat perempuan...?"

"Macam mana kalau selipar kena curi?"

"Balik nanti ayah tunggu tau."

Jawapan ayah; sangat mengecewakan. Terpaksa berdikari sendiri nampaknya.

Tapi alhamdulillah sebab dapat tempat dalam surau. Rasa bersyukur dan syahdu sangat sebab dipermudahkan jalan ke rumah Allah. Ada la sekali dua ter'selesema' masa solat. Sangat sensitif!

Outfit: Ambil wuduk di rumah, siap-siap pakai telekung, jalan dengan selipar lip lap lip lap.

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Kalau seperti tahun-tahun yang lepas, bila diumumkan puasa pada esok hari banyak la sms ucapan yang diterima. Tapi, untuk tahun nie, lain sikit kalau nak wish dengan associates.

"Ramadhan Kareem." :)

Sebagai duta kecil Malaysia di pejabat nie, beberapa persoalan dijangka akan diutarakan sepanjang bulan puasa dan raya nanti. So, dilema Na sekarang adalah:

Macam mana nak translate perkataan ketupat, rendang, lemang dan dodol?

Macam mana cara masak.

Tue belum tanya ingredient, berapa jumlah fat, kalsium, kalori dan lain-lain. +_+!

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Dan masuk Ramadhan kali nie kira dah setahun Na pakai tudung. Weehoo~ Satu pencapaian yang begitu bermakna. Syabas, Nadia. Kena reward myself dengan cheese cake niyh.

Google Images

Well, that's my story on the first of Ramadhan. (Haha! Terpaksa dialih bahasa atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Nampaknya omputih macam dah tahu kewujudan blog nie. But who cares, i takde pun sebut nama diorang.)

But whatever it is, on this holy month, take grab this opportunity to seek forgiveness and devoted yourself to Allah. Amin.

Ramadhan Kareem semua! :)

I am a year "younger" today

Okay, so today is my birthday. I’m officially 24 years old. I am a year younger today. 

I started my day by treating my aunty a quick breakfast at McD. Yes, you read it right. I treat her not the other way round. She doesn't know that today is my big day. Muahaha!

I received two birthday greetings last night from my best friends. Thank you Farah and May. And this morning I received a MMS from my brother. "Wanna wish my beloved sis very Happy Birthday". Owh so cute. Since when he learned to use such a lovely word for his sister? I guess he copy it from various sources.

I received such a lovely present from my colleague and followed by a birthday song and birthday greetings from my bosses. And and and my dear big boss kissed me on my cheeks! Gulp! God, please forgive me. It was an incident that I was trying to avoid but you know it's just happened.

Through FB and SKYPE, I received wonderful greetings from all my dear friends. Thank you very very much.

Since it is my BIG day today, if I could request one thing from you readers, could you tell God to please answer to all my prayers? Seems like God has been abandoned me these few weeks. In my prayers, I'm not only asking the best for me but for all people around me. It would be nice if I could see them smile everyday, have a good health, enjoying what they are doing and knowing that God has answered all of our prayers.

Okay, there’ll be a surprise birthday party late afternoon. Haha! I spoilt the mood. I was about to get drinks in the fridge and there’s a box that I’m so familiar with. It’s a birthday cake box! I don’t need all this. Really. Just pray for me, it means a lot.

Email Etiquette: Courtesy No. 1 - Get to know the basics!

How do you feel when you received an email like this:

THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH NADIA!

(Font Type: Verdana; Font Size: 36pt)

*wink* *wink*

I don't want to rush make an assumption so I randomly seek opinion from two lovely friends.

Friend A: Nampak macam marah je. Dengan tulisan besar, font kaler merah and ada tanda seruan.

Friend B: Nampak macam nak mare aje. Words in capital and red color pulak tu.

You see? Both responses are same. So, I agreed with them. I don't know if this is something that out of the box that the sender might trying to be different.

When I opened my email, I nearly got heart attack. I was surprised. I'm not acting to be a drama queen; got surprised and fainted and slowly lying on the ground. Wishing someone could held me up and *sigh!*

This is what I called:

KEBIJAKSANAAN YANG TIDAK BERTEMPAT

Excuse me. Are you mad at me? Just because I didn't answered your request as you wish? Or you were trying to be different or unique? Bored with old traditional email and trying hard to be creative? Or to show your appreciation in different ways? This is unacceptable and unprofessional email that I ever received. Even my boss taught me not to insert smiley faces/icons when typing an email that related to work.

OVERSIZED FONT, CAPITAL LETTER, RED COLOUR AND EXCLAMATION MARK!

So, taken from the netmanners.com, I copied one online basic/rule you need to minimally become familiar with in order to be taken seriously in your online communications.

Do not type in all caps. Typing in all caps is considered yelling, screaming or at the very least adding emphasis to the word you type.

NOTE: It should go without saying, however, since I was chastised for not saying so, this rule certainly doesn’t apply to the vision impaired or to those who are disabled or handicapped and cannot use the shift key.

I don't think you are handicapped or disable person. So, no excuse for not doing the right thing!
Google Images

However, since typing in all caps is considered yelling online, it would behoove those who do so because of these reasons to take the time to include a brief note why they are typing in caps so that their emails and intent are not misinterpreted.

P/S: Yes, I’m offended. So, just send your email in plain text!

...Untitled...

I've been busy with my boss after his return from business trip hometown. And we are yet to do my appraisal. And hotel inspection. And buying me lunch. Until this date I don't know where washrooms, prayer’s room, staff cafeteria and the garden are. My last trip to the hotel was few months back and from the car park walked pass over the Front Desk and straight to the office. I didn't look around. Pathetic huh? But but but couple of times I went to the restaurants. Had Chinese food for lunch and Nyonya dishes for dinner. Well, I’m INVITED. I can't just turn down the invitation without a good reason rite?

Last weekend, I went shopping to buy items for office pantry. So, I determined to use usable bag instead of using plastic. Oh yeah, trying to make huge changes. With my two bodyguards, I took coffee mates, tissues, biscuits and a lot more (I can't remember!). When at the payment counter, as I proudly took my usable bag I looked back in the trolley, wow! There’s a lot and one bag is not enuff. Sigh! Never give up so I intended to buy usable bag at the counter. But the bag was so SMALL. Not TINY. It was just small. Come on! How I'm gonna fit in all the things in those small bags. Do I have to buy 9 or 10 bags? These obviously will cost me more. So, I gave up using the recycle bag and let the cashier packing my things using plastics. So, my mission was FAILED.

I always failed in doing a good job. Maybe I wasn't efficient enuff. Maybe I was not trying harder and I easily gave up. Maybe maybe and maybe. The list can go on until I didn't realize I’m wasting my time and letting the negativity energy come into my mind. This is not good. This is totally not cool. So every time this happen, I always remembered my boss used to say, “Think positive and positive thing will happen." So, as a good assistant, your advice is my command. ^_~

I seriously need to charge up my energy. *Shopping* *Manicure* *Pedicure* *Facial* and indulge myself at the spa. Do they have a special service to polish my cerebrum and cerebellum as well? Because my brain urgently need one.

Monday Story

Like any other Monday morning, I rushed for work and trying to keep myself positive and energetic and FOCUS. Smile at my PC and hoping that the Outlook will work out fine today. Funny tips from my IT Director. The phone rang and heard the soft voice from a women that I familiar with. Oh, my new colleague! I totally forgot to ask how her weekend was and etcetera. So, I get up to her as she wanted to show me the email from one of her friend.

What is so special about her friend? You ask. Nothing much for you but such a great joke for me. Really make my day. Don’t expect funny story, it is just interesting story for me. The other day, my colleague told me how her friend is good in predicting people's future. Out of the blue, my colleague told her about me – the new colleague. Her intention was to updating her friend about her life in Malaysia. And this is the quotes from the email.

"...please say hi to Nadia in the office and maybe she will get engaged soon..."

As I read this, GULP! No wonder my colleague was so eager to show her friend's email to me. She told me how this woman predicted about her boss, her daughter, her future, so and so.

I explained to her that I have no serious male friend right now as am still trying to heal my broken heart of losing someone. She and my mom shared the same thought. "Just believe in God. Keep praying. Everything is in God's hand." Erk! How does my mom got in this story by the way? Well, I texting my mom on this - just to share with her my crazy morning.

I smiled the entire day. Not like I am looking forward to that, it is just one of mother's wishes to make sure I am happy and having someone to share my happiness. How sweet :) I feel blessed! I wish to have a man who could guide and walk with me on the road to Jannat (paradise). InsyaAllah.

As of now, I need to deal with my Perfectionist Syndrome. Feeling upset again. Was trying to make Spicy Crunch but the result was not so satisfied.

P/S: My mom asked me to asked my colleague who is that man, where is he comes from, yadda yadda. Am not bother to know!

Perfectionist Syndrome

Nowadays, I realize that I easily get distracted and frustrated over small and tiny matters. I bought Ananas comosus last weekend. I tried to remove the skin nicely but have some divits left. Cut off too much of the peel at once will take a lot of good fruit with it. To cut the story short, the fruit was crushed. I looked at my mom and expressing my disappointment, “See, I can never do things right at the first time or any other time!”

“Takpe cuba lagi lain kali.” She replied.

“I don’t know how to use chopstick even though I’ve practiced many years. I’ve always delayed to do important things like bla bla… (and the list goes on).” Feeling depressed.

*************

No idea when I started to think like this. Is this what they call perfectionist syndrome? I made some research and started to analyze it. Credit to managing perfectionism.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionists aspire to be top achievers and do not allow themselves to make even a single mistake. They are always on the alert for imperfections and weaknesses in themselves and others. They tend to be rigid thinkers who are on the lookout for deviations from the rules or the norm. Perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence. People who pursue excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in working to meet high standards. Perfectionists are motivated by self-doubt and fears of disapproval, ridicule, and rejection. The high producer has drive, while the perfectionist is driven.

Causes and Characteristics

Fear of failure and rejection. The perfectionist believes that she will be rejected or fail if she is not always perfect, so she becomes paralyzed and unable to produce or perform at all.

Fear of success. The perfectionist believes that if he is successful in what he undertakes, he will have to keep it up. This becomes a heavy burden—who wants to operate at such a high level all of the time?

Low self-esteem. A perfectionist’s needs for love and approval tend to blind her to the needs and wishes of others. This makes it difficult or impossible to have healthy relationships with others.

Black-and-white thinking. Perfectionists see most experiences as good or bad, perfect or imperfect. There is nothing in between. The perfectionist believes that the flawless product or superb performance must be produced every time. Perfectionists believe if it can’t be done perfectly, it’s not worth doing.

Extreme determination. Perfectionists are determined to overcome all obstacles to achieving success. This is also true of high achievers, but the perfectionist focuses only on the result of his efforts. He is unable to enjoy the process of producing the achievement. His relentless pursuit of the goal becomes his downfall because it often results in overwhelming anxiety, sabotaging his heroic efforts.

The result; I have ALL of these above. Sigh!

About nothing

I'm just ranting. Guess where I am right now? I'm in a Cyber Cafe. So bored and full of negativity here. Well, spread by people around me. &^*%$#!

It's 9.45pm and yeah, I should drag my brothers to go home now!!!

Sigh! I'm still young but cannot fit with a bunch of people here. Gotta go! 

Thanks for reading anyway.

taa~

After 6 months...

Hari nie genap enam bulan Na bekerja di sini.

I received compliments from the bosses and the management has decided to continue my contract. Yes, you read it right. Contract, not permanent staff. No one is permanent here. Meaning, we have to worked double hard to earn the job. So for those who are permanent workers, you should be grateful and thankful to God.

I am now officially under Sales & Marketing Department. I used to hate this department and never take a glance to get to know about this department but now I like it! Well, I have to keep positive in mind. I have a chance to work under my Vice President and I am thankful for that. He is a nicest man of all man here. He will groom me to become a good assistant or PA or Secretary, err… is there any book called “How to be a Good Secretary for Dummies”?

Hitung kesyukuranmu bukan kesusahanmu.

In this six month, I’ve witnessed realities that I never seen before. I’ve heard stories from peoples and now I experienced the same stories with different version. Sometimes I have to hurt people, urge people, and demand ridiculous things only to keep my boss satisfied to get the job done. I’ve learnt not to trust anybody and keep work relations as it is.

I enjoyed looking at people being hypocrite and I acted naïve. I don’t want to mess my head with stupid things so I act naïve.

Things that are yet to discover

This part is not cool. I’m working half year here but I don’t know where emergency staircase and the mini mart are. At least, I know that the mini mart does exist here!

There are two cafes nearby but I just visited one. I’m so biased, huh? I guess I have to visit the other one really soon.

I feel like the frog under the shell. Haha! Meaning… katak di bawah tempurung. I didn’t make any contact with outside world for 8 hours every day. Sheesh…  

And that’s my progress after six months here. Erm…not cool huh?

I know. =_=!

Perginya dia dengan 1001 kelukaan

Pagi itu, kami terserempak di lobi. Dengan wajah ceria kami menyapa satu sama lain dan beriringan menuju ke pejabat. Topik pertama perbualan semestinya tentang game bola sepak malam tadi. Seperti biasa, Na juga akan menjadi pendengar setia kepada setiap bebelan atau ngomelan dia walaupun dia tahu Na tersangat sibuk menyiapkan tugasan. Biarlah telinga bernanah dan hati mendidih kepanasan tapi disebabkan dia seorang kawan yang baik, Na tingkatkan kesabaran dalam diri nie.

Tengah hari itu, dia hanya makan french toast. Katanya, takde selera. Na belikan french fries sebab Na tahu itu juga makanan kegemarannya. Kami makan bersama-sama sambil berbual, bergosip dan bergelak ketawa. Dia banyak meluahkan kerisauan tentang keadaan di pejabat tapi Na nasihatinya supaya banyak bersabar dan berfikiran positif. Bercanggah pendapat antara kami. Katanya, naluri hatinya selalu betul. Na diamkan saja. Tak kuasa nak memanjangkan perbalahan nie.

Petang itu, dia sekali lagi cuba memulakan perbualan dengan Na. Dengan tegas Na beritahu Na terlalu banyak kerja yang perlu disiapkan segera tanpa memandang mukanya. Diam. Na menoleh ke arahnya. Mata berair, hidung kemerahan, tisu di tangan. Na tahu ada sesuatu telah berlaku. Disebabkan desakan masa dan tugasan, Na terpaksa membiarkan dia buat seketika. Dia mengemas barang-barangnya dan berlalu keluar dari pejabat. 

Itulah kenangan terakhir Na bersamanya. Bersama dengan satu-satunya kawan Na di pejabat. 

Dia MANGSA keadaan. Dia dipergunakan untuk membantu semasa susah dan dibuang apabila segalanya berjalan lancar.

Na tak tahu bagaimana nasib Na selepas nie. Tapi apa yang berlaku telah memberikan Na pengajaran terbaik. Setiap pujian dan kata-kata manis langsung tidak mendatangkan sebarang kebaikan. Hari ini dipuji, esok dihina. Si pemenang telah bersorak sehingga mengalirkan air mata kegembiraan dan terpancar senyuman di wajahnya. 

Ya, wajah-wajah orang yang mengalami inferiority complex serta mempunyai perasaan tidak selamat (insecure) dalam diri. Mereka menjatuhkan orang lain untuk meletakkan dirinya di tempat yang selesa tapi bukan tempat yang terhormat. Tunggulah satu masa nanti, Na akan beritahu sebuah kebenaran yang sangat pahit untuk ditelan mereka.

I am back on track!

Less than a week, we’ll say goodbye to June and hello to July. I can’t wait to welcome July in my life. Ah not because I was born in July *coughing*. Somehow, I have a nice feeling about this month. Maybe I have reached my maturity level. =_="

Oh by the way, I would like to thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for commenting either through my blog or sending emails. I noticed that my readers are Malays so I will write in Bahasa in future. But stop! No, I think Bahasa and English will be my default languages for writing typing. I enjoyed blogging because I can take out all clutters in my head and moving on to other things. So, if I’m ranting a lot please understand that this is a therapy for me from being insane.

So, what’s in store for July?

Hello you! (still) remember me?

I will start by contacting my oh-so-dear-lovely-and loyal-friends and spend some time to catching up with them. Only God knows how I missed them so badly.

Wardrobe Management

This should be on top of my priority list. Job? No! I have to manage my wardrobe first. This is extremely important. As you may know, or still doesn’t know, I started to cover my head, I mean wearing scarf for almost a year now. When I’m eager to shop for my clothes and baju raya, I often forgot to buy for nice and matching scarf as well. I’m not covering my head just because scarf has become a fashion now. It is come from within. Lillah-hi-Taala.

Learn / Study

I didn’t have much memories of being a student. So, I’ll do what it takes to be a student again so that I can get free/discount passes that privileged only for STUDENT. *J-E-A-L-O-U-S*

Host Party Special Event

Oops! I love meeting peoples. I love being in touch with them. I love THEM. So, once in a while, I should throw a party special event for them. So while you reading this, automatically you are invited in advance.

Again...??

Another test from Allah.

To those who did this to me, I already forgive you. Despite all the slanders, bad comments you have made towards me, I forgive you. I understand you have an identity crisis; inferiority complex.

This is not like me, huh? It wasn't easy for me too. But life is too short and time flies. You're not even noticed it. 

Please be strong, Nadia. Allah knows best for you. Everything will be okay. Allah bless you.

Apa nak jadi, jadilah!

Tak tahulah bos jenis apa yang Na dapat kali nie. Bila nak mesyuarat, dia marah2 dan tension, Na yang jadi mangsa. Orang lain yang delay buat kerja, Na jugak yang kena marah. Siap nak hempas2 fail, campak fail tue kat muka dia karang baru tahu! Dah dekat 6 bulan Na diamkan aje perangai bos nie. Come on la, kalau tension pun janganlah tujukan kat orang lain. Minat pasukan bola sepak pun salah ke? Nak keluar lunch pun nak kena bagitahu lunch kat mane, pukul berapa. Ingat Na nie isteri dia ke? Lepas nie jangan haraplah nak senyum2 lagi hari2. Sorry la kalau sifat hipokrit perlu ada dalam diri seseorang yang nak berjaya. Sampai nak kena kipas bos untuk dapatkan reputasi cemerlang. Ingat sikit, Na kerja kerana ada tanggungjawab, Na ikhlas kerja kerana Allah. Na tak harapkan pujian tinggi melangit atau kritikan yang mengikut perasaan. Cukuplah kalau ada sedikit penghargaan dalam hati bos tue. Apa yang penting, penilaian Allah pada diri Na. Pergi m*%$@^s la dengan appraisal!

Semua kerja nak cepat. Bak kata kawan Na, bagi kerja hari nie, semalam dah mintak hasil kerja tue. Nak emo, pergi jauh2. Jangan semakkan kepala Na yang tenang nie dengan rungutan yang entah apa2. Nasib baik Na boleh kawal kemarahan nie dengan baik. Sentiasa ingat semua kerja yang dilakukan adalah kerana Allah. Minta2 Allah terima amal perbuatan Na di dunia nie. Minta2 semua amal Na nie adalah ikhlas semata2 kerana Allah.

Oh satu lagi, Na cukup sporting dalam semua perkara. Nak teguk arak depan Na sampai pecah usus perut atau nak bercakap dengan perkataan lucah kononnya dengan niat bergurau atau apa2 sajalah yang dirasakan cool oleh masyarakat kini, silakan. Na tak kisah langsung. Tapi jangan sekali-kali nak suruh Na buka tudung atau bergelak ketawa dengan gurauan yang tahap tersangat-sangatlah rendah di mata para celik akal. Tak payah nak tahu berapa panjang dan apa warna rambut Na. Na takkan cakap rambut Na cantik ke tau ikal mayang  ke atau blonde kerana aurat ini hanya pada yang berhak. 

Na bersyukur sebab Na tak terus-terusan hanyut dalam dunia yang penuh tipu daya. Yang membangga-banggakan dunia Barat, yang mengagung-agungkan sikap keterbukaan yang tidak lagi mengendahkan sensitiviti masyarakat sekeliling. Na ada identiti yang harus diperjuangkan. Yang tidak dimamah usia dan sentiasa bersesuaian dari zaman ke zaman.

Na tahu kemarahan nie hanya bersifat sementara. Sampai masa, hati Na akan sejuk semula. Tapi, kebodohan orang-orang yang mengejar duniawi nie akan berterusan sampailah dia ditelan tanah.

P/S: Silakan mengejar kesenangan duniawi nie. Na akan terus membantu anda mengejar harta atau keuntungan dunia. Nak kerja siap dalam sekelip mata? Na akan cuba usahakan. Na akan cuba puaskan hati semua orang. Kerana dalam setiap masa itu, Na nampak kebodohan anda. Kebodohan itu menjadikan Na terasa JIJIK untuk menjadi orang yang serupa seperti anda. 

Mimpi Semalam

Alkisahnya sedang hamba beradu di kamar, hamba didatangi mimpi. Mimpi yang singkat hampir tidak membawa sebarang makna. Hamba melihat sebuah kubur yang telah digali.

Pada hemat hamba, mungkinkah perbualan siang tadi terbawa-bawa ke alam mimpi? Mungkin juga sebagai petanda atau alamat atau peringatan? Entah apa-apalah yang ada dalam fikiran hamba.

Terima kasih kepada kemajuan alam maya, dapatlah hamba mencari maksud kepada mimpi hamba dengan jayanya.

Kuburan

Jika anda bermimpi membuka atau menggali kuburan orang mati, bertafsir akan ada peningkatan di dalam perniagaan. Sedangkan mimpi akan mengambil orang mati dalam kuburan, bertanda akan berkelahi dengan orang-orang yang belum ada kenal. Mimpi melihat kuburan bermakna akan teringat pada sesuatu yang telah dijanjikan..

 Petikan diambil dari laman web ini.

Entahkan benar, entahkan dusta.

Hatta, barangsiapa menabur janji pada hamba tapi belum ditunaikan, silalah berbuat demikian sementara masih bernyawa. Dan, barangsiapa yang menagih menuntut janji hamba, khabarkan saja nescaya dengan izin Allah, akan hamba tunaikan.

Tiadalah kesungguhan hamba bercerita panjang tentang mimpi mainan tidur ini. Dengan rendah diri hamba menutup kata bicara lembaran ini bagi memberi sepenuh perhatian kepada tugasan yang masih belum selesai.

Wabillahitaufik walhidayah. Assalamualaikum warahmatullah hiwabarakatuh.

(appreciate kalau you jawab!)

Taa … ^_^

Q-Farm... 1

When he was young, his father's job got in the way of his vacation plans. So instead, he visited the small town where his Grandfather owned a ranch. The Grandfather was a very busy man; however he was very happy to have the grandchild with him. Thought the town was small, there was something new and exciting to do every day.

One day while hiking in the mountains behind the Grandfather's ranch, he met a girl. He remembers singing songs together high on top of the mountain's summit. She had a beautiful voice. When it was time to return home, he promised her he would be back one day.

Ten years have passed...

Once again he returned to his Grandfather's ranch and finds it all a shambles after the Grandfather's passing. The town Mayor tells him he will give three years to turn this decrepit ranch into the lively and profitable farm it once was.

With a little money and only a handful of tools, he decided to restore the ranch to something his Grandfather would be proud of.

One more thought fills his mind; he wonders how the girl he met is doing. He looks forward to the day when he can tell her, "I kept my promise".

Courtesy: www.hmfarm.com

This story plot was taken from a game called Harvest Moon: Back to Nature. I used to be so occupied with this game days and nights. Until I have a thought; what if I have a real ranch? How I wish to have a farm.. I started to imagine how I am going to run the farm and the imagination stopped when I stop playing this game. But readers have you ever heard of a saying ‘be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it. You never know.’

Well… I know now.

I think the opportunity has arrived. Not exactly my own farm but I have given a chance to run it!