2012 story & resolution

What's in store for 2012??

Oleh sebab dah lama sangat menghilangkan diri, maka haruslah mengupdate berita terkini.

1. Kerja - hari ni dah masuk 2 tahun 9 hari kerja jadi Assistant untuk VP. Tak tahu la macam mana boleh bertahan kat sini. Lagi 6 bulan habis la kontrak kat sini. Tengok nasib la sama ada dapat sambung lagi ke tak. Bonus, kenaikan gaji nampaknya tidak boleh mengharap pada tahun ini. Nanti kecewa gigit meja je...

2. Sebelum ini asyik nak study je, now dah sambung study semula. Dah habis exam pun untuk first sem, tengah tinggal nak register for second sem yang deadlinenye is this saturday. Last minute, I know. Memang sengaja pun sebab result tak keluar lagi so how can i decide nak ambil berapa subjek. I dah tekad, if tak dapat A dalam exam, so I will carry one subject at a time. Sampai dah jadi nenek kebayan baru nak grad gamaknya. But no la...  will try my best to achieve my super high target. Tapi, kadang2 kena punish my own self sebab banyak sangat pembuangan masa...

3. I am still single and available - tapi this time nak letak target tinggi sikit. Tak nak lelaki yang entah-apa-apa-malas-nak-ulas. To find a better man, i have to be a better person too. Which remind me to trying to be...

4. Muslimah solehah.. haha. This is only between me and Allah. So, tak leh ce panjang2.

5. Kawan-kawan ramai yang dah kahwin. Kak Siti pun dah selamat menjadi isteri. Yuhuu~ gembira untuk dia. Takpe bagi semua kahwin dulu and beranak pinak, InsyaAllah next year boleh mula mencari-cari yang sesuai di hati.

6. I wish to upload pix tapi cam segan je. So, slowly slowly la okeh...

7. Harus memantapkan lagi penguasaan dalam bahasa asing, seperti Bahasa Inggeris, Mandarin etc. Oleh kerana colleagues dekat sini Chinese and mat/minah salleh, haruslah tidak kalah apabila berhujah dengan mereka. 

Permulaan tahun 2012 ini tidak berapa baik. Sebabnya suddenly terkena allergic and itchy satu badan. Dah jumpa 3 doktor, macam2 dah makan, ubat, so sekarang tawakal kepada Allah sajalah... Be positive, takde penyakit yang tak boleh disembuh.

Raining has stopped and now I am waiting for my dear friend to come back from hotel and we leave hotel together and tomorrow is another day. :)

Love always,
Nadia

Jump to 2012

Woot Woot...

Memang terlalu lama menghilangkan diri niyh... sampai melangkau 2011. Sampai tak hingat email and password. after few times reset password, now I am back.

Really miss blogging. Only for my friends to read and no intention to be well-known in blogger atmosphere.

Will update really, really soon.

Love always,
Nadia

a walk to remember... part 1

Haha... Terlalu lama menghilangkan diri. Diberi cuti selama 2 minggu adalah perkara terbaik Boss berikan. Sabtu lalu keluar bersiar-siar dengan rakan sekerja bersama dua orang anak saudara lelakinya. Dari Bukit Tinggi kemudian memanjat Batu Caves terus ke Putrajaya akhirnya dinner di Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. Sungguh.... tak cute! I mean, mana ada orang makan nasi lemak malam2. Sebab tue la restoran tue kosong. Tapi disebabkan mereka nie dari negara jiran yang teringin sangat2 makan nasi lemak, maka ikutkan saje selera mereka tue.

Disebabkan Na seorang saje yang young, single and available di ofis, maka kawan-kawan sepejabat mula berlumba-lumba nak jadi telangkai tak bertauliah mencarikan eligible bachelor for me... Makanya, Na setuju terima pelawaan rakan sepejabat untuk ikut bersiar-siar bersama nephewnya yang datang bercuti di sini. The nephew - quite good looking, sama tinggi, dan gentleman.

I didn't ask for more during our first introduction. Was not looking for boyfriend and such. Just treat me nicely and gently, would be enough. Ternyata tidak mengecewakan.

Awal perkenalan - sombong. Itu memang biasa. Lelaki dan ego tak boleh dipisahkan. So, I make a move. Trying to crack a simple conversation.

Oleh kerana Na kurang faham bahasa mereka dan Na pun tak harap mereka faham bahasa Malaysia so English adalah penyelamat.

Sebelum baca dengan lebih lanjut, let me remind you this is only from my point of view and what I really enjoyed during this trip. So, no judging please.

Masa di Bukit Tinggi, I must admit I was trying to be cool to cover up my shyness. Cool means I was walking alone and doing my own business, snap pictures, looking at peoples and suddenly saw my first boss. She is a career woman and very, very cool. Of course she wouldn't remember me because it has been few years I left the place. With her sunglasses and walking next to her husband, she smiled. While watching her and admiring her calmness and beauty, my friend's second nephew dragged her aunt (my colleague) to play a game. This is where the first scene started.

The first nephew, R was smoking near the area where I stand after the woman I admired disappearing from my view. I took a picture of myself. Since I noticed him standing next to me, I asked him to join me to take a picture together. Very clever rite? He refused at first but when my finger started to click the camera button and SNAP! Haha! The picture of us. Boy, you couldn't resist me, aren't you? Hihi...

Then while waiting for my friend, we just stand next to each other and figuring what to say. Guess we both shy, so we just enjoyed the silent moment. Shhh...

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After we had our lunch, while waiting for my friend to pay at the counter, I went in and out from one shop to another. In my heart I know I would never get lost because someone is keeping his eyes on me. Nope. Bukan perasan. Because when I turned around, there he was. Always. 

The best part of the whole trip was when I walked to the west and he walked to the east, we suddenly got closer to each other and end up walking together. I confess I tricked him one or two. *blush* When he was quite far from me, I popped out one question, yes only one simple question, to get him near to me again. I would asked like, "it's getting bored here, rite?". He quickly came to me just to answer "Yeah". Then we walked side by side again. 

I turned to other side and smiled secretly. Haha!

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to be continued...

I think I saw him...

...during lunch hour when my colleague and I went out for lunch. A different person from those days when we were an item. I hope he did not notice me. Clearly no reason for us to see eye to eye anymore. Even if we bumped to each other, there is no conversation needed. We both now strangers.

I wasn't sure if that was him. But if it's really him, then I thank God I didn't end up married him. My life now is much much better than before. I'm glad knowing new peoples here and they are so entertaining as much as they gave me headache in the office. =__=!

As much as people want to poke their nose into my personal life, giving advises and word of wisdom, I just can say, *"it's not my choice. I don't choose to be single. Look, everyone has their past. I found someone, it didn't go well and that's why I'm still single."

* Quote: Lee Byung Hun, August Man magazine.

just ranting...

These few days my mood was swinging and changed every now and then. I easily get irritated with peoples, most of the time on the road. At work, I thought I did pretty well for my boss but seems like it’s not enough for him. 5 minutes ago I walked out from his room and started doing my work. Exactly 5 minutes after, he called me just to find out whether the job has completed or not. -_-! 

Dealing with third party required time and countless of follow up. How can you expect the work to be done in a minute? That’s why I was sulking with the boss lately. He is smart enough to realize that through my face expression and my voice tone. Ah, I’m so not good in pretending that I’m all okay and cheer up all day. I am a little upset when overheard his phone conversation with someone and said, “Who needs to know and who really cares.” Although he didn’t meant what he said and that is only a joke, I wonder if he said the same thing to me with or without my knowing. I am a sensitive person. I could cry if he said that. No one can say that harsh words to me when I’m trying harder to please them. When I’m being nice, you should be nice to me as well even if you are trying to crack a joke – should use nice words.
 

My aunty used to say that my work field is full of cruelty – which I agreed. Slowly, I started to put barrier in my heart. I love my job, I really do. But there are things that I just do it with no honesty inside. I guess my boss can realize it too. This is all started to happen when they set rule for me not to have lunch outside just because they are so worried who’s going to attend all calls during lunch time!
 

All I want is to be treated fair and square. A lot of questions popped out in my mind that I didn’t bothered to ask. Why is it hard for me to take annual leave? Why my pay slip is just a piece of light paper (DL size) where I think everybody has seen it before reach my hand? Why I couldn’t have a chance to dine at the nice place? Everybody can go out EVERYDAY and having luxury lunch while me tapau the food from cafeteria and having my lunch in the office EVERYDAY. Why they put high expectation on me while my salary is just + /- USD500 a month? A lot of why’s that I didn’t want to mentioned here. I’m afraid when I read this post in future, I might cry thinking why I let my life being in this situation and didn’t stand up for it?
 

I’m ranting a lot here, I know. I just want to let it out and move on. Doing my very best every day. Appreciate this moment before they asked me to leave when they think my service is no longer needed.    

I am lucky to know you

The other day when I was outing with good friends, we were talking about having a male friend as a best friend. I suddenly remember someone that I’ve been neglected for quite some time. I lost contact with him when my previous hand phone was stolen last year. To maintain a good relationship with him, I always wish him on his birthday and catching up once in a while.

I never realized that he was such a good friend of mine until we girls talked about this. I can talk to him almost about anything. He’s such a good listener and he agreed to accompany me whenever I need someone to be with me. I would even recommended him if my friends wanted to have a male friend as their best friend.

I don’t know much about him. Because… every time we meet, I am the one who talk. Sigh! What a shame. It is because am comfortable with him. He does not talk much so it’s me who has to do the talking rite? Rite.

I used to ask him to accompany me during the activity that was organised by my previous company. Ah… I couldn’t recall what the activity is. It was Sunday morning (say 7.00 am) at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa. While having discussion with former colleagues, I often glanced at him to see if he’s okay and comfortable with the environment. I brought him to the event so I must make sure that he’s been treated nicely.

The next day, I ask one of my colleagues, how’s he’s doing? She said, he was okay and even makes the effort to approach her and started the conversation. My oh my, I was pleased to hear that considering I have been abandoned him for some time due to my involvement with the event throughout the day.

He would be there, anywhere and anytime to give full support to me. Shame on me, I couldn’t give that kind of commitment to my best friends.

If you wonder if I ever has feeling for this guy… am not quite sure. I never think of taking our friendship to the next level. I don’t know if he still remembers me. Well, I hope he does.

Today is his special day. Today is his birthday. I don’t have his contact number so I can’t wish him directly. So, through this blog, I would like to wish him Happy Birthday, A. Thank you for being a wonderful friend of mine. I am lucky to know you. Even if this dedication may not reach you, but I know that our God can hear my prayers. I always pray for you every time I think about you especially on your big day.

P/S: I also pray that one day my girls would find a best friend like him. I shall introduce him to my girls if we get connected again.

Muhasabah

I was making a cup of coffee later that night. Walked into my room and locked the door. This is the moment am waiting for. Some ‘me’ time…

While took a sip of black coffee, I begin to asked myself what have I done today and where I want to take my life in the next step. Yes, this is called Self-Inventory (Muhasabah). I easily get upset for things that people have and I don’t. I didn’t cherish and appreciate what I have today. I am too worried for tomorrow and I’m regretful for what I’ve done yesterday.

Ponder. Am clueless. I couldn’t think straight. I keep on criticizing myself continuously. I feel so down. So, I closed my eyes. Imagining the happy moments and slowly creating ‘new-me’ image. No, it is not day-dreaming. It is something that I’m longing to do/be.

I wish that people could understand me. But then again, if I didn’t tell them what I like and what I’m not, how can they fully understand me, rite? People can just assuming by observing me. Sometimes they interpret it wrongly. It is all about communication and I'm confessing I’m lack of it.

If only I have guts to tell people that I, sometimes, hate to please people when they request me to do something that I hate to do; especially when you hurt me with great distress before. I am not a perfect Muslimah (where I should be good to people even if they harm you) but I always wanted to be the best one. Time… is all I need.

However, one thing that I can be proud of myself is I never want to give up. Every time I feel like I have to surrender (imagine I’m waving a white flag), my heart would say “I don’t want to stop.” I may not up to expectation but I know what (and where) I want to be eventually. Insya Allah.