These few days my mood was swinging and changed every now and then. I easily get irritated with peoples, most of the time on the road. At work, I thought I did pretty well for my boss but seems like it’s not enough for him. 5 minutes ago I walked out from his room and started doing my work. Exactly 5 minutes after, he called me just to find out whether the job has completed or not. -_-!
Dealing with third party required time and countless of follow up. How can you expect the work to be done in a minute? That’s why I was sulking with the boss lately. He is smart enough to realize that through my face expression and my voice tone. Ah, I’m so not good in pretending that I’m all okay and cheer up all day. I am a little upset when overheard his phone conversation with someone and said, “Who needs to know and who really cares.” Although he didn’t meant what he said and that is only a joke, I wonder if he said the same thing to me with or without my knowing. I am a sensitive person. I could cry if he said that. No one can say that harsh words to me when I’m trying harder to please them. When I’m being nice, you should be nice to me as well even if you are trying to crack a joke – should use nice words.
My aunty used to say that my work field is full of cruelty – which I agreed. Slowly, I started to put barrier in my heart. I love my job, I really do. But there are things that I just do it with no honesty inside. I guess my boss can realize it too. This is all started to happen when they set rule for me not to have lunch outside just because they are so worried who’s going to attend all calls during lunch time!
All I want is to be treated fair and square. A lot of questions popped out in my mind that I didn’t bothered to ask. Why is it hard for me to take annual leave? Why my pay slip is just a piece of light paper (DL size) where I think everybody has seen it before reach my hand? Why I couldn’t have a chance to dine at the nice place? Everybody can go out EVERYDAY and having luxury lunch while me tapau the food from cafeteria and having my lunch in the office EVERYDAY. Why they put high expectation on me while my salary is just + /- USD500 a month? A lot of why’s that I didn’t want to mentioned here. I’m afraid when I read this post in future, I might cry thinking why I let my life being in this situation and didn’t stand up for it?
I’m ranting a lot here, I know. I just want to let it out and move on. Doing my very best every day. Appreciate this moment before they asked me to leave when they think my service is no longer needed.
